I Can Trust You

I have heard this song by Rebecca St. James a billion times (no exaggeration) but it's like I heard it for the first time when I was out on the track this morning and I can feel it making a difference already...


Yes, I know that You have paved a path for me
Yes, I know that You see what I do and don't need
But when it comes to the deepest things
I have a hard time relinquishing control letting go

God, it hurts to give You what I must lay down
But when I let go, freedom's found
God, it hurts to give You what I've held so dear
Because of Your love it's clear
I can trust You with this
I can trust You with me
I can trust You

Lord, I know that You are worthy of my trust
For You have shown me time and time again
You're faithful and yet I'm so scared of letting go of this
Afraid of what You might do with it
How could I forget who You are like this

God, it hurts to give You what I must lay down
But when I let go, freedom's found
God, it hurts to give you what I've held so dear
Because of Your love it's clear
I can trust you with this
I can trust you with me
I can trust you

Me forsaking
Heart is breaking
I let go of what I've held so tight
Freedom's mine now
For the taking
I move in faith, not by sight
Let Your will be done

God, it hurst to give you what I must lay down
But when I let go, freedom's found
Got, it hurts to give you what I've held so dear
Because of your love, it's clear
I can trust you with this
I can trust you with me
I can trust you

Obsessions

If you know me then you know that I can get obsessed. I'm not one to get too obsessed over stuff - at least, I don't think. But when I like something it becomes something in my life. Take TV for example, when I like a show, I like to watch it. We don't have cable so most of the shows we rent on DVD which you would think is nice 'cause then you get to watch it in your own time, at a low cost. Not with me. It's like as soon as Raynae is in bed, the TV and DVD player is on and we're watching. We usually end up watching a full season in 1 week. I know, I'm incredible. Or reading a book is a good one. Once I start the book, it pulls me into this world that I can't stop thinking about. I even want to talk about the characters of the book as if they're alive and real and everyone should know who/what I'm talking about.

I've decided to try and take this obsession and use it for good. I'm trying to run. That's right, I said it. I'm moving my legs super fast around a track. Well, they're not as fast as I would like them to be...I feel myself getting obsessed with trying to get pregnant again. And I know what the first stint of 3 years of trying did to me and I don't want to be there again. I am nowhere near obsessed like I was then but I notice little things creeping up. And once I start letting the little things in then I slowly start to get more and more obsessed and upset that we're not pregnant. And then I don't understand why we're not and I question God and it gets harder and harder to see others pregnant around me. I don't want to be like that again. I vowed in April that I was going to totally leave it up to God and when I let myself become obsessed I'm not.

'Cause that's what it all comes down to, right? God. And His perfect timing.

Back to the running, though. I have had a number of dreams of how good it feels to run. There just seems to be a sense of freedom in my dreams that I want to obtain. I've heard it's because of the endorphens that are emitted. I have no idea if I even said it right. I don't care - I just want it!

One downside to me, though, is that I tend to quit part way through a project. And I really don't want to quit this one. I have to see if my dreams are true. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. That I can get in shape. It's gonna happen. Watch me.